‘If any of you cry at my funeral, I’ll never speak to you again!’ Stan Laurel.

24 Feb

thoughtfulHistorically, I have never been much of a crier.  Since a young girl I have watched people around me cry when they were happy, or sad, or scared or even just when they didn’t know what else to do with themselves.  I understood that this was their way of dealing with whatever the situation was, but I rarely felt moved to join in.  I never cried at sad movies, or when listening to amazing life-changing stories, or while watching some of the horrors that unfolded on the nightly news, or even at funerals (Stan would at least have approved).  These things usually left me more pensive than tearful.

sallycryingIt is not I never cried of course.  I had the occasional emotional ‘woe-is-me, life-is-unfair, why-can’t-I-do-that, all-men-are-bastards . . .’ meltdowns over the years,  and I cried for (literally) weeks after my lovely dog Frankie died unexpectedly during the night (well, who wouldn’t?)  but crying was not something that seemed to come naturally to me.  In fact, it happened so infrequently that I would sometimes stop and wonder (albeit briefly) if there was something wrong with me (‘Should I be crying here? Everyone else seems to be . . .’ ) but that feeling wore off again pretty quickly.  I just didn’t seem to be built that way.sookylala

But lately something has changed.  I have become aware that I am being moved to tears far more often now than I ever used to be—and often over things I would rarely have given much thought to before.  I fear I am in danger of turning into a bit of a sooky-la-la.  It’s kind of disturbing . . .

So, now, instead of wondering why I am not crying, I am wondering my I am.   Why, all of a sudden, have I become so  ’emotionally incontinent’?  I’m not depressed.  I don’t feel particularly isolated, or unhappy (and often the things I cry about are quite lovely and not sad at all).  It doesn’t seem to be dementia-driven (at least according to Dr Google . . . )  So what gives?

fineI have been forced to conclude that it must be (gulp) one of those ‘age-related’ changes that tend to sneak up on you when you are not looking.  (A couple of years ago I would have automatically blamed menopause because—why not?  I blamed it for everything else.  But (please God) I seem to be past most of that now.) Maybe I am just growing more sensitive as I get older (Ha—I can hear some of friends howling with laughter at that) but it’s possible . . . I guess.  Maybe rather than hardening with age, I am actually softening . . . becoming porous . . . and leaky . . . 

Well, that’s embarrassing.

Does that mean that from now on, when something strikes me as happy . . . or sad . . . or beautiful . . . or frustrating . . . I am going to be sobbing all the time?

I hope not, because that sounds utterly exhausting . . .


Posted by on February 24, 2017 in Uncategorized


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8 responses to “‘If any of you cry at my funeral, I’ll never speak to you again!’ Stan Laurel.

  1. stevetalbot51

    February 25, 2017 at 2:16 pm

    You are in good company Sal – have been a fearful sook all my life – nothing to be ashamed of I don’t think, but if you disagree too strongly I might get very upset 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. C. C. Cedras

    February 25, 2017 at 4:19 am

    What we see so frequently in people as they get older is a hardening, a loss of their empathetic qualities. I much prefer the path you’re on, frankly.

    Liked by 1 person

    • sallyinthehaven

      February 25, 2017 at 7:49 am

      I guess I do too – although it can still be pretty embarrassing at times . . .

      Liked by 2 people

      • C. C. Cedras

        February 25, 2017 at 8:10 am

        Don’t let it embarrass you, or try not to. My grief counselor has made great strides with me the past three years, and they started with the question, “Why does it embarrass you to cry in front of other people?” A simple question and one I keep answering with more insight each time.

        Liked by 1 person

        • sallyinthehaven

          February 26, 2017 at 7:14 am

          That British ‘stiff upper lip’ mentality has a lot to answer for . . . 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

          • C. C. Cedras

            February 26, 2017 at 9:57 am

            And one of the persistent traits that my Scots-Irish ancestors bestowed on so many generations. Bless their hearts. 😏

            Liked by 1 person

  3. Vee

    February 24, 2017 at 4:26 pm

    I will always have a shoulder to share with you Sal. I must say though so not like you…but… we will love you whatever way you are including porous and leaky.

    Liked by 1 person

    • sallyinthehaven

      February 25, 2017 at 7:49 am

      I’ll try to remember that next time I start leaking all over the place . . . 🙂

      Liked by 1 person


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