‘I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, “Well, that’s not going to happen.” Anonymous.

15 Jan

reality tvOccasionally, and I stress it is only very occasionally, I get an bit of an urge to cook something.  (What was that sound?  Was that your chin hitting the floor? How rude.)  Well, don’t panic—I am not about to invite you over to test out one of my new fandabbydozy culinary creations.  Apart from that fact that I don’t think my insurance covers food poisoning, that occasional urge to cook usually only lasts until the closing credits of whatever cooking show I happen to be watching at the time.

It is a bit of a strange thing but I just love watching cooking shows. Why strange?  Because anyone who knows me at all knows that I really, really don’t like to cook.

not cooking (2)I honestly don’t like anything about cooking (except, possibly, and this very much depends on how successful the attempt was, the eating part afterwards).  I don’t like reading recipes (the ingredient list is usually enough to send me screaming from the kitchen).  I don’t like organising menus (which I wouldn’t do anyway because—well . . . just . . . why?)  I don’t like shopping for food (about the only thing I don’t like shopping for).  I don’t like the actual cooking process (ho hum), and I definitely don’t like all the cleaning up that is needed afterwards (well, der).

It’s not that I don’t know how to cook, I do.  I am an adequate cook.  I know the basics.  I can boil water.  I can scramble eggs or make an omelette.  I can cook pasta and sauce and I can even throw together a roast dinner if I have to . . .  but if I don’t have to, I would really rather not.

woman and cakeIn truth though, I did, once upon a time, like to ‘bake’ (as in cookies, cakes, slices, pies etc, which I don’t view as quite the same thing as ‘cooking’, but I am sure someone out there will have something to say about that) and, naturally, anything I baked, I ate. (Doh.) Unfortunately my clothing allowance couldn’t keep up with my ever-expanding girth and something had to give (other than my waistbands) so I stopped baking . . . although I am still more than happy to sample the efforts of others (nod, nod, wink, wink) . . .

Although I have no interest in cooking myself I have friends who are die-hard ‘foodies’ and passionate about the culinary arts.  (I’m not silly you know, I may not cook but I still need to be fed. 🙂 )  My friends will happily expound on all the different recipes they have tried, hold forth on the virtues of one particular type of utensil over another, and swap tips on the best places to buy all the ‘necessaries’ (and probably also ‘unnecessaries-but-want-one-anyways’) that go with the craft of cooking.  For it is a craft, and I do recognise that—it’s just not a craft I want to practice.  I am happy to listen to listen to all the animated conversations, nodding and smiling in agreement (like I really know what they are talking about), and I am always very happy to sample their delicious offeringsbut I just can’t quite seem to get excited about it for myself.

Nor for the life of me can I understand why someone would want to be a chef or a cook for a living.  Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not knocking it—thank God there are people out there like you or people like me might live our whole lives existing entirely on tea and toast—garfieldchairbut from what I can see the work is stressful, hot and sweaty with unsociable hoursunless you are a ‘celebrity chef’ I guess, and then the stressful, hot, sweaty, unsociable hours belong to those who work for you.  Nope.  I just don’t see the allure.  But watching other people cook?  Great.  Fabulous.  I can do that.  Cooking for me is a spectator sport.

But if I am not interested in the cooking per-se, why do I love to watch cooking shows so much?

food pornFor me it is not about what is being cooked or how it is being cooked (I don’t get to taste he fabulous creations after all and, let’s be honest here, I am never going to try and cook it myself)—it’s all about the ‘art’ of it.  I find it little different from watching a painter create a painting, or a sculptor a statue.  I love the final ‘art on a plate’ imagealthough I have to say I am less enamoured, after all that work, when the ‘art’ is then attacked and gobbled up unceremoniously by the chef or judges.  I know it is all supposed to be about the taste and if it doesn’t bother the cook it shouldn’t bother me, but it does, it does . . . 

Anyway, perhaps, one of these days I may just break out and find my way back to the kitchen and try a couple of new recipes and . . . nah . . . who am I kidding . . . can’t see it happening.  My sister sent me a plaque once (still proudly on display I might add) that reads, ‘I have a kitchen because it came with the house‘.  How right she was.

But that won’t stop me watching, and salivating.  If you want to see some of the most gorgeous images of food you will ever come across, go to The Art of Plating and enjoy.  (Food porn . . . mmmm . . . )


Posted by on January 15, 2016 in Uncategorized


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8 responses to “‘I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, “Well, that’s not going to happen.” Anonymous.

  1. golf property

    February 19, 2016 at 7:08 am

    Great blog! Do you have any helpful hints for aspiring
    writers? I’m planning to start my own blog soon but I’m a little lost on everything.

    Would you recommend starting with a free platform like WordPress or
    go for a paid option? There are so many options out
    there that I’m completely confused .. Any tips? Kudos!


    • sallyinthehaven

      February 21, 2016 at 8:41 am

      Hi – thanks for reading. 🙂 I’d definitely start with a free setup. WordPress is pretty easy to get around and so is Blogger. You just sign on and follow the prompts, and you can ‘google’ for free help on any question you might have too if you get stuck. There are so many people out there willing to help. You can upgrade to a paid option once you get your head around it all. I am still very new to it all myself so my site is about as basic as it comes. I still use nowhere near the options that are available to me. So, give it a go and have some fun with it – that’s what it’s all about. 🙂


  2. Steve T

    January 19, 2016 at 9:21 pm

    I saw the plaque your sister gave you – it was on sale at a local outlet – and I thought seriously about buying it for you because it was just – well, you.
    Just goes to show that sometimes procrastination is a good thing 🙂


    • sallyinthehaven

      January 20, 2016 at 7:22 am

      There are a lot of those plaques around. Which means there are a lot of people like me around too . . .


      • Judy

        January 27, 2016 at 7:34 pm

        Like me! I did screen capture a recipe for Bread n Butter Puddng on FB and I am sooo going to make it…maybe


        • sallyinthehaven

          January 27, 2016 at 7:52 pm

          I have a drawer full of yummy sounding recipes to try out ‘someday’. Actually, I am really keeping them for when I win the Lotto and can afford to employ my own private chef. Then I can hand them over and say ‘This one sounds good. Make me this tonight.’ 🙂


  3. Joneen

    January 18, 2016 at 4:39 pm

    So- no baked Alaska at your place then?


    • sallyinthehaven

      January 19, 2016 at 7:40 am

      Not unless you bring it with you . . . 🙂



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